Possible quotes from the math lectures at the 2003 Governor's
The possible quotes below were sent to me recently. Of course, any
that are in any way insulting, defamatory, politically incorrect,
etc., are certainly likely to be spurious. Sigh.
- We're undefined!
- Notice that the word 'unknown' has a 'k' in it. Why is that?
- *drops paper clip* "Oh, sh*t! Now, pick up only one - only one! Or
you'll be killed!"
- "This is a very valuable prize. It came from far away - very precious."
"THREE BANANAS?!? They're not even ripe!"
- I'll show you though... I'm extremely smart.
- There aren't enough copies so share.. Cher used to be married to Sonny.
- "What do you need to do?" "Add... subtract..." "Very good. This is very
advanced already." "Multiply..." * very excited voice* "One more! Can you get
- He's still living, he's a very happy individual. We'll talk about why he's
happy next week.
- I still want to add... What's that one? *points to 'x' *
- *when talking about clock arithmetic* I'm only interested in what happens
whatever this *points to 0* in your local language
- "Thank you very much for your contributionn - shutup!"
- How many would five 4 o'clocks? Eh... English as you can see is not my native
language... And you go home and tell them that someone wrote this on the
board. "9+5 = 2"
- "What is 7x8?" "56!" "You have braincells devoted to this?"
- Here is the "Offishal name." "Not the official spelling though."
- Work! WORK! Don't look at me! I am very handsome though...
- No, you're at a higher institute of learning. You cna't say reciprocal, you
have to say "multiplicative inverse"
- There is a hand in back - is there a foot? This is a foot.*picks up foot*
- *speaking to a radio* "Beam me up!" ... when it rings again... "Would you
turn off your spleen?"
- One of the things I do when I jog in the mornings is look at license plates
and try to factor them.
- Close your eyes and see the multiplication talbe of 9001. Check that there
are no zeros. Maybe if you are divine you can see it in your head.
- Six teams entered the GREAT TOAD CONTEST!
- There are a lot of things I think about when I wake up at 6:00 and check my
- You learn one thing in college: PEOPLE STANDING UP DON'T MAKE MISTAKES!
- "Did you do your homework?" "Yes." "Good boy...doggy treat next time."
- (I'ts 10!) English spelling sucks!
- I only want to count the prefix fours.
- I come here sometimes at midnight to give lectures! They're wonderful! The
- I'm now going to say an obscene word. I just gave you a proof to a
theorem. I don't think you're allowed to say 'clearly' to you. You're
too young. It's like a drinking age.
- I send this  and it means "I love you" You send this /\ and it means... you
should be six feet under.
- "the language of the Navajos was used in cryptography." "That's actually not
really cryptology." "Ohhhhhhh" "Why is everyone boo-ing at me?" "Maybe they're
- This is what's technically known as BAD.
- The other 50 notes are going to be copied out with quill pen by monks.
- Alice and Bob both have copies of the 1937 World Almanac, which I'm sure is
in everybody's home.
- 12 equals L, so what the L!
- You can't have a bright idea every other second because gee, then you'd have
to distribute copies of the 1937 World Almanac across the world.
- They had lots of switches that went bingle-bingle.
- There are about 300 people who can legally read your email, and they're not
evil people... they're just curious people.
- They're not your grandfather's prime numbers... or something
- *experiencing confusion* *hits head with chalkboard eraser*
- Help! Doesn't anybody have a TI 89?
- Bob sends: 2. That's a pretty stupid message, but at least I can compute it
- At 3:00 I ran around the track five times. I feel like sh*t... talking to you
is better than running around the track at 3 in the afternoon
- "I frequently get emails that say: I love you.. you probably do too." "I do. From guys" (Jake) *silence*
- I get an email. Maybe its from sherlene. maybe its from Brutus.
- Let's choose a big prime number: *as written on the chalkboard* "Let's a big
- This is extremely clever because it's really stupid.
- Let me tell you about the real world, which is filled with evil people. I'm
in the real world.
- [Trust] Weird.
- The people who study what 'hard' means...
- Tell him to go to... *stops and smiles*
- Somebody just said single addition was in third grade... that must be south
- 376+852 = 1228. Is this good or is this good?
- Anyway, anyway, shut up, shut up
- You could make a million dollars because there's a prize for it. And then he
said, you can make more than a million by stealing it!
- By the way, the correct criticism should be "boy, this is stupid"
- What is this practicality crap? This is a classroom!
- "So I've given you a problem - what do you think?" "What do you think?"
"Well, it depends on the time of day."
- Is that a big number? (2^2000) Well, that's why people like video games,
because that's a big number!
- I don't know if I agree with him. He's a little weirder than I am.
- You've been asleep - are you allowed to answer?
- 3 (III). NEW (gnu) homework competitions.
- I would be happpy to get emails from lots of you and not respond to you
- "Math teaching consists of someone really intelligent standing up here and
teaching..." "Then why are you here?"
- He's so pretty.. and if you go to sleep again I'll hit you!
- ha ha ha all those illegal tapes of ballet! *when discussing copyright*
- Apparently,they don't copyright smells.
- If I were a rock musician.. well first of all, I shouldn't be a rock
- We could have a seminar on The Hulk that would consist of me saying "And
- The first animal was the RADISH... the fierce animal the RADISH
- Do not finger the prize!
- They also identified the CELERY... another animal you would not want to
encounter at night
- "Too many Swedish people!" "Sveeeden!"
- "If you're calling someone from Omaha to order six-headed buffalo.. yes,
buffalo! Do you know how hard this is?"
- Human beings SUCK as sources of randomness.
- See, your time at Rutgers is not all wasted. There's a herd of buffalo in
Readington, New Jersey!
- My... I dropped the eraser
- It's very good, they're drawing pornographic pictures. And it's not just
pornographic pictures, it's pictures of shrews.
- I'm not supposed to say LIMIT in front of you - you're too young!
- In the 1920s... a dirty Commy, I mean.. one of our Russian
friends... *discussing kolmogorov and the foundations of probability*
- What are all the possible outcomes of this rather stupid game?
- Am I allowed to write a big sigma or would you just barf?
- I weigh 6000 pounds. Oh well. Worker's compensation *when climbing
to stand on a table*
- At least, very few coins I know remember their past coin flip.
- This is the height of technology for me - I hope you will not get too excited
*brings out colored chalk*
- This is supposed to be red... this is supposed to be green... and this is
supposed to be BRUE?
- For those of you who are Babylonian, this is 180 degrees.
- The mental age of a llama... ahhhh...
- It's 17 2/3 dollars! And you know why? Because he said so!
- I am gathering that no one in this room has gambled besides me... otherwise,
boy, I would love to play cards with you
- .. which is very hard for me... I hate pure thought...
- I hope this is not poison ivy. Oh. *drinks soda*
- "What to do with equations?" "We could add them.. subtract.." "Always go with
the second choice!"
- "Yes, yes! It's the dread overhead! ... why does it take three centuries..
I'll show you I'm in the 20th century!" "Clear paper! Where did you get that?!?"
- Is this the light? This is the one that says 'Gas the room!' Now don't
- I have a laser! A student from governor's school last year gave me a laser
but then I shot... never mind...
- I'm going to return to chalk on Monday. This (projector) is too modern for
- Now you massage this algebraically - ahhh - nice formula.
- Do you know these rays sterilize you? Your comment should be 'thank god.'
- I can turn the lights down *singing* 'Now the sun's down'
- You can stand up and come to me, my children - with money!
- You can go home and tell your math teacher that while you were at Rutgers
someone stood up and went - ? - and your teacher will say 'Kid, you were on
- It's so dark; can you hold my hand?
- I come here at night, and I close my eyes, and I feel the sound bouncing off
the walls, and then the cops come.
- This is a function that wiggles a bit, and I like things that wiggle a bit.
- This has a degree of 2,046. I know because I computed it one evening because
no one loves me.
- You - may - NOT - watch porno movies during the math lecture!
- Many of you were born.
- Ohh - you are so CLEVER for a Norwegian!
- (explaining the pigeonhole principle)assuming they want to go in a hole..
and they're alive "and it's not a leap year" (Lou)
- That's not a religious symbol! POSITIVE! POSITIVE!
- I think they put mouse tails in M&M's - DON'T QUOTE ME!
- No, don't cover your face just because you can't do arithmetic! HAHAHA! Oh,
sorry. *said to Dana Andre who sent these quotes to me*
- Tomorrow when you come in this room, this WHOLE auditorium will be filled
- It's just like feeding seals!!!*while throwing small chocolate
bars to students in the whole large room*
- Ah! It's the last piece of blue chalk in the department because
of the budget situation